Back at it again to my daily schedule where school is waiting and I get to move my ass to the new place where people are trying to show the good sides of themselves.
And here I am, chillin’ to some good tracks by Billie Marten. It really is a long time since my last post here on the blog. I must say that life has been a pretty great lesson for me these days. Learning about why and when were quite a mission for me after struggling with a lot of tears and throwing stuffs away. But I think— maybe (just maybe) write a few speculations might help me to move on?
It came to the point where I couldn’t even do the things that make me happy. I didn’t know if I still the same person or not. I didn’t even do too much talking like I used to and not laugh as much as usual.
It’s been stopping me from doing the stuff I enjoy, including instagram and any other forms of social media. Reading million of inspirational quotes were not really helped me at all, because of the fact that society had been disappointing me again and again.
Why am I writing such an inarticulate statements up there? well…
First, I failed to get into my ‘most wanted’ high school because some people tried to cut me off of it and they did. I can state; that I feel very disadvantaged. I felt extremely disapointed with myself of course, even though I shouldn’t be. I couldn’t accept it and it brought me through hard times, I’m sorry.
Like I said, the society keeps testing me. Here, people keep disappoint me with the way they behave every-damn-day and I’m sick of it. I think it is only the chapter where I am becoming more mature and taking a few steps of being a 15 years old teenager.
They keep playing the lottery game of life. Still, everyone wants to win. Including me. The difference is that, the only thing they gotta do to make the probability of losing the game become smaller is to cheat. Dear kid, the probability of you going to hell is also become so much bigger, just sayin’.
Afterward, I don’t get why— people think it is cool and full of pride and glory to win something unfairly. Because what they did back there, is a pretty cut-throat thing to do.
Why can’t I choose to have my own life? Like, live alone at some loft apartment in downtown of New York City and have an important job as a creative director in some fashion houses,
…or live with some of my favorite people in a pastel house in England, or maybe live by the beach somewhere in California. Even more exciting, to have a well-balanced life and live in Scandinavian space.
Maybe just not to surrounded by close-minded people who always try to find the wrong way to escape. Doesn’t it will make life a lot more easier? I believe. In the other hand, I believe if I ever had that kind of life, I would die with completely nothing to be proud for. I need my ups and downs. After so many time of exchanged thoughts with my dad, mom, and also my fellow friends; I knew I have chosen so many options and preferences. I picked to get a life, and God knows how long it will take for me to gain my reward. I want to share my experience in life. That’s why I made this site; even though there is still uncountable things I need to learn about it all. And I thank you all (or whoever) that have been keeping up with me and all the shit that still happens in my life, also my friends for being very supportive. I’m grateful for everything 🙂